The Secret To Keeping A Woman Happy

Some people view me as a real ladies man, I don’t know where this belief came from but I’m prepared to share some of my wisdom.  The secrets are laid out in this ten point plan.
Stick with these and she will love you forever.

1. When she asks how she looks, shrug and say "could do better" this will keep her on her toes, girls love that.

2. Never hold her hand! This can be interpreted as a sign of weakness. If she grabs your hand squeeze hers really hard until she cries. this will impress her by showing her what a strong man you are.

3. Once a month sneak up on her from behind and knock her over, girls are like dogs they love to be roughed up.

4. Call her in the middle of the night to ask if she's sleeping, if she is, say "you better be”, repeat this 4 or 5 times until morning.  This will show her you care.

5. When she is upset about something, suggest to her that it might be her fault, this will pave the way for her own personal improvement, and let’s face it every girl needs some improvement.

6. Recognize the small things . . . they usually mean the most, when she's sleeping steal all her small things and break them because jewellery is for little girls and Asian ladies.

7. If you're talking to another girl make sure she’s looking, when she is, stare into her eyes mouth the words “Fuck You” and grab the other girls ass. Girls love competition.

8. Take her to a party. When you get there shell have to go to the bathroom (they always do). Leave immediately. Come back right when the party's finishing and shout at her the whole way home for leaving you at the party. This will show her that you enjoy her company.

9. Introduce her to your friends as "some girl".  Women love those special nicknames.

10. Tell her you're taking her out to dinner. Drive for miles so she thinks it's going to be really special then take her to a McDonald’s, when she starts to get upset tell her you were just kidding and now you're really going to take her to dinner. Take her to a drive through KFC.  When she starts crying and asks “why you would do something like that?” lean over and whisper very quietly into her ear "…because I can".